The NightmareLeave me here to dieUnder the sunlit sky,Upon a pool of redCoating my earthly bed,Despite your every endeavourI am lost forever.
FearWhat is fear?To me, fear is rejection...From those who have stuck by me,And from those who have previously offended.Fear is becoming that heartless being once more,Made of poison and filled with bitterness.Fear is the knowledge that this is an all too real possibility;To be abandoned by my own,To feel that same hate I once felt,To disappoint those who rely on me.This is my fear.This is the dangerous promiseThat whispers itself to me in the dead of night,Smirks triumphantly at the whites of my eyesAnd the salty waterfallStaining my cheeks.Cheeks and eyes that these people created.This fear eats away at me,Eroding my stone heartUntil it bleeds raw.This fear knows there's only a matter of a blissfully ignorant three weeks,The days falling away like dead rose petals,Until the vulnerable core of the flower bud is bared to the harsh hateful world.This fear casually picks these petals away,Gleefully anticipating the day when the mirror image that I amSmashes into dust
Me...No poetic descriptions flow from my fingertipsIn this lyrical self-portrait,Just words and torn feelings.(Empty) (Inadequate) (Worthless) (Rotten)I am pain and suffering,The need to be needed is so acuteThat I've become just another lump of bloodied flesh.There is nothing special about me,Nothing unique,Nothing amazing and extraordinaryApart from the repetitive ability to disappoint.And now even my feelingsFloat away like driftwoodAs I drown in this sea of self-inflicted torture.I no longer feel wanted, (Dismay)I have no purpose; (Hollow)I am insignificant. (DEAD)
UntouchableII was mistaken.Convinced I loved another fractured heart,Who was in love with several others,I must admit I'd forgotten your existence.But when I saw you that night,With your shy smile and awkward dancing to rival my own,My heart stopped.I lost myself to your casual touch, my heart followed you when you walked away from that two-faced enemyWho hurt you so.I play along at the name callingAnd my gaze follows you.Though my own heart is so used to playing trick on itself,I fight the urge to touch you,And your whispers of future conversationsMake my heart heavy with sorrow,For surely you do not mean it,Like the many empty promises before you.IIWhen it is all but a distant memory,I find your message sealed with a kissWhich at that moment means more than anything.Unlike friends made of mist,Who dissipate with the wind,You fulfilled your promise.You told me about the story of the one I thought I had loved,And you trusted me with the fairy tale of that same old enemy,
TrustI am no longer the person you knew.When you abandoned me those three long years ago,I became an empty shell,Like the hollow bough of a tree trunk.Ivy curled up around me,Killing the person I once was.In my mind's eyeA new you was painted.One who hated me as I hated you;Who would continually despise meAnd remind me of your abandonment.In the shadow of the hollow tree trunk that was meA new Me also lay.She grew full ofHatred for you,Fed off of angerAnd relished resentment.She battled endlessly with the dark You who haunted me,And your words turnedHer heart dark and Her blood to poison.For three years She wallowedIn the old Me's sorrow,Growing more heartlessBy the moment.And without warning,You spoke to me.We ignored Her existenceAnd pretended I was the old Me.Yet She still waited.Among the haven of words and ink,Her face loomed out of the shadowsTo glare at you.She was disgusted;At you for your memory,And at me for my forgiveness.She does not understand
The SkeletonThese murky waters swim around me;I have tripped into the riverWho's current has drifted me back under the bridge,Seeping into the cracks of my stone heartAnd eroding yet more piecesAs if they were clay.In an unhappy coincidence I opened that cupboard;Unaware that I'd discover my own carcass stowed inside.Bits and pieces of a former life long forgotten lie in the, scattered,But I ignore those: they are of no interest to me.The sight that snags my innocent attention is stowed away,Half hidden behind this double edged fringe of bittersweet memories.In an unhappy coincidence the riverbank broke beneath my feetAnd sent me flying into those murky waters.It was just a bag;Just an ordinary bag that concealed the remains of a person who was no longer me.Her skin remains a rotting mess as the memories surface;Heart-wrenching happy times that have been stained red.Her flesh melts off of he bones,Showing white beneath.Was I the skeleton in your cupboard?Hidden like a b
LlandoveryI feel alone not just in love,But also in kinship.How I long to be back there,Back with my blessedly decrepit buildings I called home and heaven.Back to the evenings spentOn sofas in lounges,In cafes and in back gardens.Those three days of heavenAre the ones I wish to return to;Take me back, God!Please don't deprive me of an experience so rich of the heart;Abandon my feelings of loneliness,Take me back to the days of togetherness I feltWith these important strangersWho knew me so well;I cannot hide from them,Nor do I wish to.I bare my stone heart open for them and them alone to see,The fleshy innards soft to the touchAnd bruise easily if mishandled,For it is not as safe and protected as I thought.This longing I feel for their company should prove this!Take me back!Take me back to my Eden!For I have not sinned, Father, but had my eyes reopenedAs they have never been before;I refuse to forsake them;Take me back to the deadly dance of the lomme arme!Take me bac
WordsI am writing this poemTo inform you of my relationship with words.Though in ink I am fluent,I am cursed with a tongue that does not speak with ease.And add you to that equation,My tongue trips over itself more frequentlyUntil it becomes a Celtic knot.Unlike you, my sweet,I cannot verbally express my emotions;So I guide the pen across paper,To show the ink where to flourishIn the hope I can convey at least half as much of the love I feel for you.
The Bitch, The Selfish & The TrueIThe first friend I'd had since scarcely older than a babe,Yet she's always talked in first person.Though I have grown up in the thirteen years hence,Her humour and taste remains as a child's,Spouting childish nonsense and listening to a child's music.Though she was there when I had my three day glimpse of heaven,I was ashamed as a mother would feelAt her reaction to a chemical attraction.Not heeding a friend's warning,Misreading a sign painted in neon,She pouted, stamped her foot and cried.Though supportive of her ridiculous demands,Here I am a year later having only now realizedThat her innards are swollen with self-conceit;She is an ungrateful spoiled princess,Who treats you as a simpletonAnd craves her own way to be obeyed.This Selfish friend have I;Who no-one but herself can change.And are you as loyal to meAs I am to you?Many a time have you had me disregarded and thrown from your radar,Like an unwanted toy.You do not seem to realize;Friends